Today I talked with a good friend & after I told her what happened on Friday she said that when a man is in his late thirties, not settled down with a woman & sleeps with several women, is because he's trying to prove his manhood. Because deep down, he's gay, or bisexual, but doesn't want to admit it to himself, come out of the closet if you will. I didn't think he was gay, but as what she told me started to sink in, I realized there were a few instances where he would throw red flags.. He would project that someone was gay, & that one recent instance (a week ago) was when he saw this picture of me & my friend Mario who I went out on a date with, he said 'Yeah he's good looking, he has nice lips, if I was a girl I would fuck him.. I'm serious'. I really thought that was VERY strange for a straight man to say something like that, because a straight man just wouldn't even go there. Then I thought back when we were at Ra Sushi one time, he kept looking at this guy & asked me if I thought he was good looking, he said 'He has nice features huh?' & I kept thinking, 'why is he looking at guys while he's with me? wtf?' but I just chose to ignore it because I was in love with him. One of his good guy friends is from Austin when he was in college, & his guy friend is gay, so who knows if he experimented.
I can't believe I didn't see this sooner, but then again I could be wrong. Regardless, what he did to me was wrong. There was no need for him to call the cops on me.. that's just ridiculous. He was using the cops as an excuse to lie to the girl he was seeing, to make her think that he really didn't know me. Thankfully, she didn't fall for it & left him. My heart hurts so much because I knew what kind of man he was, but I chose to keep seeing him. I always choose to see the best in people, despite their flaws.. despite the times I've seen the truth.. I still love them. How can I expect him to be honest with me, when he's not even honest with himself? He's in denial.
I'm so lucky & thankful that I didn't go to jail because he's not even worth it. My life would've been ruined, over what, drama & a guy who is just trash, who doesn't know how to treasure when he has something good with someone.
Today was a hard day for me, because I usually see him during the week. I know as time goes on, it will get better.. for now I'm just picking up the broken pieces...












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